23th-Life Goes On.

Today. 29/12/2011
Tomorrow. 30/12/2011
It would be our 3rd month if everything is different from now.
But everything just opposing my wish.

30/11/2011
She came and tried to destroy us, I was too scared and I cry.
Yet, I had to make my assignment done.
Life Goes On.

6/12/2011
Such a sudden, you told me that you just want to be friend. I gave you time to think. Although I very scared.
Yet, I had to attend class as usual.
Life Goes On.

14/12/2011
I was waiting you to clarify everything to me. It was hard to me.
Yet, I had to do presentation.
Life Goes On.

21/12/2011
You told me, what you have said is what I should accept. I really upset.
Yet, I had to do my revision for final exam.
Life Goes On.

27/12/2011
I asked you something. You responded with 'it is not good'. I felt the pain.
Yet, I had to sit for the final exam.
Life Goes On.

But you know? How hard to do so when you are emotionally disturbed, but still you have to pretend strong, pretend that 'I'm fine' in order to make other things done? How much I hope I can leave everything and in a secret place, without people disturbing, without task, without phone. So that I can actually heal my scars alone. But I know, no way I can do so. *sigh.

21th day

Just back from first paper of final exam.
This is the 2nd sem final examination.
This is how it feels.

I do not really experience the feeling of having final exam in UTAR.
The last time I had exam was the time we are almost there.
Every day have your call with me after I finish each paper and back to home.
I have Ricola from you with me during exam.
Even during the half an hour before entering to exam hall, my mind was filled with your shadow.

You entered my life.
You leave my life.

running out leaving scars--Jar of Heart

Today.
Without you.
I experience how the exact feel of Final Exam.

*多宁愿只是争吵，还能道歉和好

19th Day

Yesterday I saw Kenneth's father and chatted with him. We chatted about you.

He called me and asked, "where is your handsome?"

I answered quietly, "he isn't mine."

He told me one thing. About a month ago, he sent you back and brought you to have lunch. He asked you, "you so handsome, do you have girlfriend already?"

You answered yes. He asked who, does he know that girl, from where.

You told everything. You told him, "my girlfriend is aiying."

How sweet. How sad. How pity.

Should we? Shouldn't we?

Everyone has only once that they meet the one who they feel that is the one he/she is going to marry. May be some does, some doesn't. How about you?

I read my diary a few pages and I read one sentence. I wrote there:

"he said:"I think she is the one to marry." <3 "

Do you still remember this? I beg you remember.

Merry Christmas. I pray to God to bless you and us this morning. Take care.

17th Day

Just now, my UTAR friend who studies graphic design uploaded all the photos that she had captured during MASISWA circuit at Melaka.

One of my friend tagged me. Notification pops out. I clicked into that particular notification saying XXX tagged 3 photos of you.

Then, 1st photos appeared on the screen is our photo. My heart beats. That photo is nice.

You are tagged as well.

I know you were online also, I bet you saw it too... What did you think that time?

I miss you. =')

The 16th day

This is the 16th day I lost you.

I just realized how much I imitated you unconsciously.

After I laugh only I realized the way I laugh same as you.

The way you respond people's question when they asked why.

For example, people ask 'why the weather is so warm?' Then, you will say 'because it's not cold'

'Why am I so hungry?' Again, you will answer 'because you are not full'

This is you. And I realized, whenever I heard someone answer this kinda questions, I will tend to answer them as the way you are. I just imitated you unconsciously.

One more. Do not know why my mom suddenly like to say the word 'noob'.

This 2 days she keeps on saying this word.

You used to say I'm noob. You always like to say me 'noob'.

Whenever I do not know something, you just said 'noob'. It's been how long I did not hear you say the word 'noob' to me?

I just can't forget any thing of us. How long I need to put all these down?

I do not know. But I sure, not for now...

I should

It's been a few days I stay heartless.
I only feel my heart when you called me.
Other than that, I feel body without the soul.

I should have started to let go.
I just don't want.

It isn't an over.

I love songs. Especially some of the lyrics.

[The One That Got Away]
-I should have told you what you meant to me, cause now I pay the price
-In another life, I would be your girl, I would make you stay.
-Talk about our future like we had a clue, never plan that one day, I'd be losing you.
-Time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse.
-SO THAT I WON'T HAVE TO SAY YOU WERE THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

[Rolling in the deep]
-We could have it all.

[Someone like you]
-It isn't an over.
-I beg I remember you say: some time it lasts in love, but some time it hurts instead.

[Take A Chance]
-I know you know that's something here, that you cannot get past the fear, I can help you make it clear
-When you feel like trying again, reach out take my hand
-See how great it could be to fall in love with someone you can trust
-WHO WILL NEVER GIVE UP, CAUSE YOU ARE ALL THAT SHE NEEDS.

[Wish You Were Here]
-What I do to have you here?
-I can be tough, can be strong, but with you is not like that at all.
-I remember all the crazy things you said.
-All the crazy thing we did.
-And the truth is that I REALLY MISS

You did not reply my messages. You did not answer my call
But whenever I decide to let go, you called me. Only when I talk to you, I smiled.
People says, when you smile even no one sees it, then you really mean it.

I really do not want to let go.
I know how hard for me to believe a person all over again.

If I really lose you, I...

People who have their own idea

Yesterday was on my skype with friends discussing the time table registration. One of my friend felt curios why I am at home as I should have presentation on Wednesday.

He reminded me of the presentation.

That is the worst presentation I ever had. For the first, and I will make it for the last!

That case was like this:

Because I have gone home last Friday, so I had to go back PJ for presentation on Wednesday at 2pm. I PURPOSELY went back to PJ on Tuesday night and left PJ on Wednesday straight after my presentation. I did not bring along my laptop.

I asked my group mate to tell me any thing they discuss on facebook.

Alright, our 'group leader' told us that he will done the slide and written assignment at Wednesday 12am.

As I know I will have 4 hours break on Wednesday, so I thought I manage to prepare it within the 4 hours.

But then, on Wednesday, the 'group leader' only start on the slide around 12pm I guess? He only sent us the slide and written assignment through facebook AT 1.35PM

I damn angry seriously!

*He changed all the points that we have done for few weeks until late night.

*He did not tell us about how much he has changed the thing.

*He sent us the slide for half an hour earlier than presentation, who can present the 'new idea'(as it has been changed a lot) with the preparation in 25 minutes?

*He even late for the presentation.The part that he should present was just left there for us. We totally no idea about what he wanted to talk on that part!

*Even when I enter the class, I saw the lecturer was so angry! Saying us late!

*He left his house from Sunway at 1.40pm I guess, during the peak hour sure jam! He is late!

He totally changed the things that we have done for him but he did not tell us what he had changed. I know he knows the topic in his finger tips! But how about us? Everyone of us do not know what we presented! What the rubbish presentation?

One more thing I damn hate is that, he even msg us that the lecturer likes his presentation! HIS PRESENTATION! He did all mistakes but appear to be our own false, but yet he owns the praise! Is that fair enough? HIS PRESENTATION was great, then what were us? A flower or a 'mistake machine' to show how great he has done?!

People who have their own idea is hard to cooperate with. Because they have their idea what will happen in their imagination, they were closed into certain view point which is they cannot accept others' opinion if it is slightly different. Even is just SLIGHTLY different.

Conclusion: I will never be in the same group with him any more although he is good in knowledge but group assignment really needs team work. NOT INDIVIDUAL! The score is directly affect our result. 4/5 need to maintain 3.5 cGPA and above. Please.

If there is a If

If there is a if, I will be a mature girl.

If there is a if, I know how to love you.

If everything come over again,

I will tell you what I have not said.

I will tell you the 3 words that I have not told you orally.

If you come back to me,

I bet we can be much better than the past us.

If there is a if, I sure we can go further.

IF

I remember that you like my smile.

I do not know how I feel now...

What's going on? Can anyone tell me?

Yes or No? Clear or Blur? I do not know.

It seems like no but yet it is blur.

It's clear that it definitely not yes.

I feel blank.

I feel heartless.

I feel nothing.

I feel hurt.

But I feel no tears.

How heartbroken is it?

I do not know.

Or may be it's not?

I don't know.

Yes, I don't know.

You always say I don't know any thing.

This time is different. I need you to clarify for me.

I should have told you what you meant to me.--[The one that got away]

But I never told you, what I should have said.--[I never told you]

As for now, I only know one thing.

I miss you.

Boy

How are you today? Boy?
Don't always go for tea and playing badminton until late night ya.
Final Exam is around the corner, remember to start your revision...

The sticky I have not finished yet, it's inside the fridge of my house here. I'm going to finished it up soon. You said 'I know you like to eat sweets'. So, I will wait for sweet ya...

Where is the shirt I gave you? Does it with you or at Kampar house? You promised to give me shirts with your name, I have not got yet. Thus, I will wait for it as well ya~

I want to buy a present for us. But I do not know what to buy...

Well, promised not to do what I warn you before ya...
Take care there. Drink more water
Love you. =)

One more

One more thing I hope for so long and you said you would give me.
You have not done yet!
You can't just leave like that!

You said you want to buy hush puppies shirts in the same colour and wear it when we go out!
You said you want me to lose weight and you will wear a nice shirt and I will wear a flower-pattern dress and go hanging around.

A chance for both of us

What goes wrong? Such a sudden?
I will give you sometime to calm down. We are just so in love. Why suddenly have this kinda idea?

I have promised myself, I won't cry easily any more since that stupid incident. I swear. I know it hurts you when you heard I cry.

Don't you be that selfish. You can't dump me aside just because you scare of hurt when you know I cry. I promised not to be hurt easily by anyone including you because I believe you will protect me. I believe.....

We have to face our problem together, isn't it? How can you just leave me alone, leave yourself alone when something happen which only will be solved among both of us together?

I have never be that happy since the day I asked that 'possible?'. Yes! Never! You gave me happiness which I could never had until I found you. So do you think I can be happy without you?

That stupid incident was not your problem. Why are you running away? You have stolen my heart, please take good care of it. I'm heartless here. I'm heartless without you because you stole it.

How do we all expect no hurt when we are in love? Don't forget. Cupid released arrow as well. Somehow it will hurt people who in love.
Even Rose has thorn.

We can be more tough in this relationship after all. Can't we? I believe in it.

We have not been to beach.
We have not been spending each other's birthday together.
I have not met your mother yet altought I was almost there.
I have not told me father what's your name yet.
I have not cooked a meal for you yet.
You have not brought me to eat Japanese food as I have brought you to Korean cuisine.
You have not held me in hand while introducing to people that I'm yours.
We have not even step into 100 days.

Last chance. Again, POSSIBLE?

My cute him

I was busy colouring my assignment 2 in front of Hotel Pearl International. Then my phone rang. I did not know who was that at first but he is my boy.

I answered with who are you.

Then he kept on asking can we be friend. I asked who are you but he did not want to tell.

Some more he asked me whether do I have boyfriend. I guess is he, but I was not sure.

I answered that I have boyfriend. He acted do not know and said "my friend said you do not have boyfriend, who is your boyfriend?" I knew who is this guy~

Again I asked, who are you?!

He finally said, I know him. (I helped him to clip his fringe at Melaka for tournament) He said, you helped me to clip my hair. Then I know he is my boy.

Sorry dear, your sound slightly differen from usual. I was first thinking is you, but you talked about those funny things, that's why I did not sure.

Happy~ =P

My cute him < 3

This is the one. =)

A stupid incident on 30/11/2011

A stupid incident happened during my 2nd month anniversary with him. 30/11/2011It's really stupid!

I DO NOT LIKE it.

And PLEASE, do not try to destroy your ex-boyfriend's on-going-relationship. Please go away if you have ever dumped him. You do not deserve to have him anymore. The on-going-girlfriend will definitely take good care of him! He will live better than the time with you, and live even much better than without you.

I will take good care of my boyfriend.

*I will not be that weak any more, will not cry easily any more. I do not want you to upset because of my weak.

I will be STRONG. =)

Lubb you~