I hate silent but afraid of the reality

You said silent is the best way, is it? I hate it a lot you know? I wished to hear something from you, but you just kept silent! I wonder but I afraid of the reality. I afraid that the answer you would give is totally opposing the answer I wished to have.

People always got ready for what answer they will have, but when it comes to the real situation, I bet, every one will hope that, there is a miracle.

What is it? 'Miracle occurs when you start believing.' What is it? I believe! But what I have got from you? I got silent from you.

This morning I was in my room alone, suddenly there was a thought came to my mind. One day, when a woman beside you wearing wedding clothes and saying 'I do' will not be me, I collapse perhaps. I wish to be with you, I have never said that before but when I say so, that means I mean it! I wonder why we can't...

I should have been giving up since before the meet at GP final. I should have determined to give up, to let go. But not be determined to that feeling that made me heartbeat, not be determined to that 3 seconds of looking at each other when we 1st met in Perlis.

I wished not to think too much. And I really do not know what I want. If someone come and ask me to give up, I don't wanna listen. But if someone come and ask me to continue, too, I don't wanna listen.

Give up? No. Continue? No.
What I want? What can I do?

='(