The Hug

Not to be misunderstood, the post title is just something pop out on my mind when I was thinking the title for this.

I was on the way back to KL here for this coming Saturday tournament. It was Wednesday night. I got down from train and went to wash room. When I was heading to LRT station, I saw my friend, Liang Bin.

I ran near to him and pushed him from the back. When he saw me, he was surprise, happy, excited. He opened his arm and we gave each other a friendly hug. Hug does warm people. Sometimes hug means more than a kiss.

Me, I don't really believe in friendship like I always do. But my foundation friends were the best I could say. We just true friends. We share ideas, secrets, jokes and many more. We do not talk bad about anyone of us in our gang of 10.

I miss how we used to be in foundation. Since second semester of foundation, 10 of us were always together.

-There were always the places that we all 10 sat around in lecturer class
-We went to Mamak for our lunch together everyday
-We have almost 95% of the same time table
-We plan our time table for the following semester for 10 of us
-We will have poker card or monopoly card to play during the break
-We will bring snacks to share
-We will have our Friday-Sure-Jam-So-Dinner after 6pm class
-We will stay at McDonald for more than 1 hours just to talk and laugh and play
-We will post for each other for those who enrols in drawing class
-We will share the sweater if cold
-We will have taller people to hold the umbrella during sunny day or rain

************************************************************************
Each of us have different personality.
(Which one do you think you are?)
-We have the one who always shuffle the cards but not playing
-We have the one who always act cool but actually wanting to laugh
-We have the one who always walk at the back, make sure others are safe
-We have the one who always eats slow
-We have the one who always laugh at Not-So-Funny-Jokes
-We have the one who always comes late
-We have the one who always have many so-called magic to cheat people(epic fail)
-We have the one who always talks loud yet saying wants to be lady
-We have the one who always prepare sweater in his bag but not for himself
************************************************************************

I just love the way we are. Don't you all? I miss the foundation. I miss you all. May God bless you all. Wish you all the best. Hope to meet up in very soon.

Where is the key chain that I give you? Melaka one and the Sarawak one? =)

Lesson, Learned.

Sometimes, I feel sympathy to myself when I remember how I let myself heartbroken and how I can ever alive from there.

The first day is the worst. I cried the whole day. 7/12/2012. My tears never stop on that day.

The night he told me that, I can’t really fall asleep until alarm rang, until the moment I was really awake, really clear of everything, really had to face the world, I was afraid. I wanted to escape but no way I can do that. The moment I opened my eye, the strongest mind came into was: I want to die. It was not due to I lost my love but I did not know how to face the world, I don’t like people sympathy me. I hate that! Feel like being a loser, loser from the love war. I don’t want my family to worry about me. I just wanted them to know I was fine although I was really not! That is why; I wanted to die, away from all those compassions, worries toward me.

I was just down and emotional. And I started my day like usual, and then attend school by bus. In the bus, I was listening to song. With the companion of the rhythm and music, the feeling was finally released. I cried non-stop. During class, I was crying but yet still listening to the lecturing. I even answered lecturer’s question with the tears in my eyes.

Then my friend tried to console me, they sat beside me, I told everything hardly because I was crying too hard. A word, an action, a memory could easily made my feeling jumping out again.

Afternoon, I was in the same situation trying to sleep, but it failed for sure. I cried until I can feel my tears gonna dried up. That moment, I was lucky to have tears. I know how it feels when you have no tears to cry later about 1 month. At least, your tears contain your feeling, it was released out, but with no tears, no way to express, by there you will know what the lyric of the song called ‘I learned to live half alive’ means.

Night, I talked to my close friend. I brought along my small tower because I know a bag of tissue paper will not be enough for me. My eye swallowed and dried. I can feel like I have no more tears but still there are.

**The part hurt the most is not about leaving the one you love, but the life you have to face in the following days. You have to face them alone, trying to console back family members telling them you are okay, showing them you are okay but in fact you just wanna cry. It’s already hard to face it, the worst is, and the memories of both of you keep popping out from time to time.

I don’t really know how can I pass through that stage. I agree the say that saying Cancer takes a lifetime to forget a person. Perhaps, it’s true. The only different between ‘that time’, ‘now’ and ‘then’ is, that time, I wanted to be with him again. Now, I know he doesn’t worth it, I won’t be sticking around anymore. Then, he is just a person I used to love, I used to know, who used to teach me what love is.

【Just to share】

Love at first sight doesn't fade, doesn't repeat, but does last.

Oops. It's been 2 months I abandoned this blog. So sorry...
Hmm. Today, what to share? Okay, let's tell you what I was feeling for the whole yesterday. And perhaps, it's another way of confessing? =P

Do you ever fall into the zone called love at first sight? It means, you fall in love with that person in your first sight of it?

It's been 2 and a half years, but I still can recall the feeling of first time I saw you. I did not know you before until once, my friend pointed you to me, at that very first moment, I liked you at my first glance, looking you pass by my side. Then, at the same day, you looked into each other, I can see myself in your eyes. we looked at each other without saying a word for 3 seconds. Just those 3 seconds, I was trapped. The Korean drama, 'Love Rain' was mentioning that, in 3 seconds of sight, the man falls in love with the girls. It describes my situation. But I wonder why we couldn't make it. We just stopped there.

I thought that would be short. After all, I think, it's true and it lasts forever, perhaps.

I guess you know I had a man before. Sincerely, I was thinking about you even I was around with him, I was thinking how good if we can ever be together.

The feeling of me towards you is totally different and indescribable. When I see other friends or so-called crush, I can easily smile, talk to them, play with them. But with you, it's not like that at all.

When I last saw you, it was during junior circuit 2012 at Cheras hall. My heart beats fast, my mind went blank. I wanted to talk to you but I was so nervous. I did not wanna miss the chance, I told myself,"friend what!". However, it took me quite a long time to be brave enough to went close to you and started to talk to you. From that time onward, I knew. I knew you are the special one. The feeling of 'love at first sight' will only appear once? It doesn't fade, it doesn't repeat (as from the day I met you onward, I have not had that happen again).

I posted one of my photo on facebook. I quoted it: 'Dear crush, I want our relationship to be like Tom & Jerry; no matter how many times we fight, we won't be apart.' and notification pop out, you liked my photo! My first reaction was shout! It came so natural. It came so real. That's all because the feeling towards you is true.

I always think that, if I'm lucky enough to have you as mine in this life, I'm pretty sure we can last. And we will have many friends blessing us. If we failed this life, can we continue the chapter in next life?

But... God have the plan.

Blessed to have you. Appreciate everything even I don't own it.
我想说有你是幸福的。珍惜一切就算没有拥有。

428